Why Should I Find a Gottman Trained Couples Therapist?

Gottman Couples Therapy, a research-backed approach designed to help couples deepen connection, manage conflict, and build lasting love.

There are so many different approaches to couples therapy and many therapists who claim to be "experts." So which approach is best?

There are two approaches that have the most scientific evidence - Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Gottman Couples Therapy.

What Is Gottman Couples Therapy?

Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this method is rooted in over 40 years of scientific research on relationships. The Gottmans observed thousands of couples in their “Love Lab” at the University of Washington, studying what makes relationships succeed—or fail—with near-clinical precision. Their research led to the identification of key behaviors that predict divorce with over 90% accuracy, and—more importantly—tools to turn things around.

Gottman Method Couples Therapy is structured, practical, and tailored to each couple’s unique needs. Whether a couple is facing gridlocked conflict, emotional disconnection, or recovering from betrayal, the Gottman approach offers a roadmap back to mutual understanding and intimacy.

Key Principles of the Gottman Method

The foundation of this method rests on the Sound Relationship House Theory, which outlines the elements of healthy, thriving relationships. Some core principles include:

• Building Love Maps: Understanding your partner’s inner world—dreams, fears, stressors, and joys.

• Turning Toward Instead of Away: Noticing and responding to bids for connection in everyday life.

• Managing Conflict: Learning to discuss disagreements without criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling (the infamous “Four Horsemen”).

• Creating Shared Meaning: Developing rituals, goals, and values that create a sense of “us.”

The Gottmans emphasize that conflict is not the enemy of love—how you handle conflict is what matters most.

What Happens in a Gottman Therapy Session?

Sessions often begin with a thorough assessment phase, including:

• Joint and individual interviews

• Online questionnaires

• Observational exercises

From there, your therapist identifies your individual goals as a couple and helps strengthen friendship, increase emotional intimacy, and practice effective conflict management strategies. The work is active and collaborative. You won’t just talk about problems—you’ll learn real skills to improve communication and connection.

Therapists often use structured interventions to guide couples through:

• Repairing past hurts

• Improving problem-solving

• Rebuilding trust

• Enhancing physical and emotional closeness

Who Is It For?

Gottman Couples Therapy is effective for:

• Dating, engaged, or married couples

• LGBTQ+ couples

• Those dealing with infidelity or betrayal

• High-conflict relationships

• Emotionally distant or disconnected couples

It’s also used for premarital counseling, helping couples start strong by learning the skills to sustain love long-term.

Why It Works

What sets the Gottman Method apart is its scientific foundation. The techniques aren’t based on guesswork or trendy advice—they’re drawn from decades of empirical study. Plus, the focus is not just on fixing what’s broken, but on amplifying what works: admiration, friendship, respect, and shared dreams.

Want to find a certified Gottman therapist? We have several in our practice! Reach out for more information.